There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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