Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
