i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
