Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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