Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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