and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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