its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
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You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
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You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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