Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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