I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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