Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
