a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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