Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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