are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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