had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
