so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
