I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
