cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
