okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
