I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
