At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
