So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
