just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
