i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
