hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
