dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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