Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I understand Curling. That high.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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