Are we in a gay sports bar?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
