I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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