One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
