i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
