Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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