just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize