I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
