the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
