I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
