I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
