I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
