Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
