Me. At least after what I've been through.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
