Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
its liver damage thursday
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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