Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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