The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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