He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
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Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
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I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
