Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
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Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??