HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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