you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
True strength comes from lack of pants
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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