Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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