we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
