I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
