i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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