When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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