ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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