so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
