it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize