you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
