I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
