Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
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I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
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I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We need to get me chipped asap
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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