Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My dick has a subreddit
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
