Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
