I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
