the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
