The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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