I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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