I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
