drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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