They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
