We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
