I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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