I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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