One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
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The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
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He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?