If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.