Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Sacagawea was the original milf.
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She's allergic to latex.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
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He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.