I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dating After Heartbreak
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?