Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
