Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.