i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
if only i could text you this smell
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...