I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.